Friday, May 28, 2004

The Diary of a Miss Hong Kong Finalist - Entry #07

June 27, 2004

Diary Diary,

This is my last entry to you. No, it's not because I found a new diary to write it. You know you will forever be my one and only diary because I don't have enough money to buy a new one. So what if you're starting to fall apart? So what if you're almost full up? Forever you will be my #1 best friend and the one and only who understands me.

No, I didn't win the Miss Hong Kong crown. Geez, is your memory getting as bad as "7th sister" in "VOH 2?" Well if so that's good then because I don't want you to tell anyone else all of the things I told you. These past few months have been really rough for me. I'm getting older and older and I'm still husbandless and unemployed. I thought I could win MHK and become a star in Hong Kong, but that dream is becoming dimmer and dimmer. It's like a shooting star that has flown out of my grasp. A dream that can never be chased and I'm left here not knowing what to do. Fate is against me. I must have a cursed jade like Mok Hei Yi in "Hard Fate" that creates such obstacles and hardships for me. There is no easy way out of poverty, is there?

Honestly, I had hoped to meet my future husband while here in Hong Kong, but I failed at that too. What about MHK? I don't even want to mention it. Last month they had me undergo slimming. Well, I'm sure slim now. My body is a skeleton like all of the other TVB actresses. My perfect body is gone. That stupid Mandy Cho was saying how our bodies were good but could use some slimming. Argh, I was so mad. I tried to push them away when they gave me those slimming pills because I had the pefect body. But this action only caused me to land more gossips about how arrogant I was. And now I'm as dark as Louis Koo since our trip to Africa. My perfect skin complexion and my perfect body has been ruined by this MHK experience. And the competition hasn't even started yet!

Not only that, I can't even step out onto the streets anymore without a crowd following me. I'm like a beautiful flower with sweet nectar that the media likes to fly to. I just can't keep them away. And everywhere I go everyone recognizes me and laughs at me. What kind of life is this?? I have fame all right, bad fame that is. My fame is like the kind William Hung has. *sigh* I don't know what to do anymore Diary.

I was watching TVB's controversial "Hard Fate" and I realize that series has given me the answers to my problems. With that, I want to bid you farewell Diary.

Kelly Lam Lo Yuk will no longer exist in this world and there will no longer be another #19 MHK Contestant this year nor will there be such a pretty face in this world. Farewell Diary......

The Diary of a Miss Hong Kong Finalist - Entry #06

May 26, 2004

Dear Diary,

No longer do I have to stay with that annoying Ah Yat! They've arranged for us to stay at the apartments in Gold Coast now. Actually, Diary, I kind of miss Ah Yat after all. Now that she's not around, I have no one to bicker constantly with about everything and anything. But I guess I should get to know the other girls better anyway.

I've started to talk to 'Miss Gossip' #11 Devily Leung and she is quite the sweetheart! She's very cute and it's unfortunate the nasty HK press has caused so much rumors, gossip, and bad press about her! Speaking of Devily though, who would name herself "Devily"? Is she trying to hint to us that her cute and innocent face is hiding a bunch of evil thoughts and that she's actually a little devil at heart? This world is getting too 'unique' and everyone is finding the common too predictable and plain, so everyone names their children weird names.... like "Apple."

Speaking of gossips, I have to start worrying about them as well. After that "lo yuk" incident, I've seen to become a second favorite of the press and they are always following me around! Just last week, I was out eating dinner with Ah Yat and she wasn't feeling well, so I was helping her home. The next day, I see the headline "#19 Kelly Lam Spotted With A Lesbian Lover!" and a whole article having quotes from experts examining pictures taken from my dinner with Ah Yat and basically just a bunch of crap. It turns out that Ah Yat has been frozen by TVB for her bad press and she keeps nagging at me about it. Hey, it's not my fault! Even if I was a lesbian, I would never pick Ah Yat! I'll go for someone much hotter... like Bernice Liu!

Then, 2 days ago, I was out shopping, by myself, of course to avoid any more unnecessary rumors. It turns out it's that "time of the month" soon and I need to buy "those" products. Then I realized I needed some new bras and panties, so I went into a really nice-looking, expensive lingerie store, using my credit card, which is already $5000 in debt, obviously. I walked home and was beaming because I thought I had escaped the press' eyes. Diary, I'm sure you can guess what happened the other day. I wake up to Ah Yat laughing and telling me to read the newspaper. Behold, the headline exclaims "A rich girl? #19 Kelly Lam only buys the very best!" I couldn't believe the pictures in the article! They were all candid shots of being buying tampons, bras, and panties! Even worse, the press actually went into the store and found out exactly the brand and type of everything I bought! Man, if I was rich, do you think I would be trying out for MHK to get a job?!

Even worse, today I read in the papers and once more, the press shouts "#19 Kelly Lam not following MHK rules and trying to turn herself into a pig!" with a big picture of me eating! What's next? Take a picture of me going to the bathroom and then printing out "#19 Kelly Lam suspected of questionable actions due to her frequent runs to the bathroom - alone"?!

I just don't know anymore Diary, I really don't. I try not to cause trouble, but the HK media just always somehow manages to turn the simplest, most innocent thing into something so outrageous! Yes, pity me and Devily!

Tomorrow I will finally be meeting with my heroine Miss Hong Kong 2003 Mandy Cho Man Lei (sarcastic tone, in case you didn't know Diary!). Hopefully I can be like her and keep up a fake smile in front of everyone, especially her! Who knows, maybe she will give me some tips!

The Diary of a Miss Hong Kong Finalist - Entry #05

May 20, 2004

Dear Diary,

I just had my first taste at filming today! I was filming in TVCity for my promotional clip and let's just say I had as much NGs as Linda Chung did during her first filming of "VOH 2." Needless to say I was very embarrassed and my filming took the longest, but fortunately I was the last one to go anyway. What? You want to know what my outfit looks like and what I filmed? I'm sorry, Diary, but by TVB law I will not give such spoilers! I refuse to be like Moses Chan, Gigi Lai, and Charmaine Sheh during the filming of "War and Beauty" and give out all the secrets and effort TVB has put into my promotional clip! Even though you are my very best friend, you will have to wait as well!

After I finished filming, they made me wear a big overcoat to cover up my costume for the clip. With the luck I have, naturally there was only 1 bright yellow coat left. So what can I do? I walk out and try to run away from the press like #09 Lulu Ng and say I had to go to the bathroom, but then I remembered how she got scolded at, so I stopped and smiled at the press and greeted them. Of course they asked for pictures and like vultures, they kept hitting me with more and more questions.

One reporter said to me, "What's your name? Isn't it Kelly Lam Lo Yuk?"

I answered, "Yes, sir, I am #19 Kelly Lam Lo Yuk."

"Well you sure aren't being very lo yuk! #07 Tiffany Leong is definitely more 'lo yuk' than you!"

"What?" With that, I was met with much laughter from the media. My cheeks turned bright red and I asked "What's so funny?" I was thinking they were laughing at my attire and how I resembled a big yellow banana. Thank goodness I don't have a mushroom haircut like Auntie Sa Sa or else I would never have lived it down! But then I pondered why they had mentioned Tiffany and wondered if they were teasing me for not being flirty enough, so I started to flash my eyes at them and stand in a daring and sexy matter.

"Miss Lam, what are you doing?"

"Well, you guys said I wasn't being very 'lo yuk' like my name, so I thought you wanted me to be more flirty like Tiffany... after all she's 'Miss Flirtatious' of this year's pageant!"

"Your Cantonese isn't very good, like most of the other contestants this year, is it?"

"I really don't understand what you guys are saying." But they just laughed while I stood still there smiling from ear to ear, waiting for them to let me go.

It wasn't until I talked with Auntie Sa Sa later on that I realized what exactly the press was teasing me about. "Ah Yuk, you really don't understand their joke at you?"

"No, I don't auntie."

She laughs before she explains, "The word 'lo yuk' sounds like 'revealing flesh,' so that's why they said you weren't being like your name because you were all bundled up!" She starts cracking up, "The HK media sure is great!"

My cheeks turned pink from embarassment and I felt like Bernice Liu after being teased last July by the media about Juno Mak's investigation by ICAC. How can I be so stupid? Knowing Tiffany, of course I should have realized that the press was looking for me to open up my jacket and reveal my hourglass figure!

The competition is only starting and already the press has managed to poke fun at me! I really hope the gossip and jokes about me by the media will not grow any bigger or else I will lose MHK for sure!

Thursday, May 27, 2004

The Diary of a Miss Hong Kong Finalist - Entry #04

May 18, 2004

Dear Diary,

I never smiled so much as I did today! God, I feel so fake. This probably must be what Mandy Cho feels like cause she's always beaming so cheesily and "happily" everywhere she is. But for the sake of winning MHK, if I must smile, darn it, I will! Which reminds me, I have a dentist appointment tomorrow with Ah Yat. She's going to fix her horse teeth. As for myself, let's just say it's not good to be a MHK finalist with a yellow gleam on her teeth.

For today's "official" meeting with the press, they made us wear a white dress with pearls around our necks and wrists and clear shoes. Ah Yat has been wearing pearls with all of her clothes lately and she feels that the MHK pageant took her idea. Yes, I'm sure they did Ah Yat - but unlike you, these pearls are real. Well at least they tell us it's real anyway. You can't tell nowadays which jewelry is real and which are fake.

I feel like such a dork Diary! Today when I was walking on the stage alone introducing myself, I nearly tripped! I was so self-conscious trying to smile as wide as I could, trying to make sure my dress didn't fall off, and trying to keep my pearls in place that when a bee was flying around me, I almost fell in fright! Good thing I'm very quick and regained balance! I tried to act all cute and innocent to make up for my big flaw. I think I gained some love from the press! Well, at least I think I gained more snapshots than the others!

Ah Yat threatens to kick me out of her apartment cause I keep bickering with her. I ran into Ah Yuet today, it seems he's dating my ex-best sister Sek Mei. No worries though because once he sees me winning that MHK title, he will be very sorry he chose that pig head Sek Mei over me!

Do you see me in the group picture in the newspapers Diary? I'm standing on the 3rd row up in the very top of everyone else! Proves how special and crucial I am to this pageant! What? You don't see me? Do you see where the word "siu" is? Well I'm standing right next to it! Still don't see me? Perhaps my goddess-like beauty is too blinding to the press's cameras that I did not make it into the picture. Too bad then, I guess.

I must admit, the other girls aren't as bad as I thought they would be. I do have some competition after all! It's unfortunately I don't have Stephanie Wang's 34D nor do I have Sonija Kwok's radiant elegance and beauty nor Victoria Jolly's mixed beauty, but I still stand out! At least I'm the only finalist to be unemployed, and I'm darn proud of that!

I have a lot of work lined up to do these next couple of months, but don't you worry Diary! I will keep you up to date on all of my experiences! "Virtues of Harmony II" is on in a couple of minutes, and if there's anything good I'm getting out of this MHK competition, it's that I get to watch "VOH 2" for free every night at 9:00 PM and the latest episodes too! How awesome is that?!

Sunday, May 23, 2004

The Diary of a Miss Hong Kong Finalist - Entry #03

May 11, 2004

I am so freaking HAPPY! Oh wait, I forgot to say who this is for... let me start over!

Dear Diary,

You won't believe what happened today! I got the most amazing phone call! No, it wasn't Ah Yuet calling to be beg me to come back and control him, it was the call that I've been waiting day and night for! No, it wasn't some long lost rich relative wanting to reclaim me like in TVB series. No, it wasn't people wanting debts (you know I wouldn't even have picked up!). You know what? You're a horrible guesser Diary! So let me just tell you - I freaking made it! How awesome is that?! Me, your very best friend! Yes, Kelly Lam Lo Yuk! Oh my god, I just cannot believe it. Never did I dream or imagine it would be possible that I made it as a contestant!

First and foremost, I want to thank you, Diary, for being the only one I can confide in and encouraging me all these years! Thanks to the US government for giving me welfare so I can make it through these last couple rough months before I can finally find fame in Hong Kong! Thank you to my parents, who left me, but were thankfully Chinese and gave birth to me in Hong Kong. Without them, I would never be able to even think of entering MHK! Ah, too many people I can thank Diary! I'm almost going to be a celebrity soon so I cannot afford to waste my time thanking them, right? I'll save it for my Grammy acceptance speech! Wait, I'm not going to be a singer, I'm going to be a TVB actress! No, aren't I suppose to be a MHK winner? Eh, in any case, Hong Kong, here I come!

I called Gam Yat, yes, Ah Yuet's (bratty) little sister who happens to be a TVB actress in Hong Kong. I asked if it would be all right if I stayed with her. She declined, naturally, but then I called Auntie Sa Sa and the deal was done. I will be staying with Ah Yat as I fight for my Miss Hong Kong crown! Hehehe, it turns out my preminition was right, all the girls must be really ugly this year! I haven't seen them yet, but from the try-outs in the news last month, it seems I will win for sure! Who knows, maybe I will be lucky like Shirley Yeung and win because everyone else is so bad.

The pageant isn't until August, but you can start calling me Miss Hong Kong 2004 Kelly Lam if you want Diary! I still just cannot believe I made it! To heck with the plan of just becoming a TVB extra like Ah Yat and having a job, I am going to be fighting for that crown! I want it!!

Hong Kong, prepare to meet the hottest MHK finalist this year!

The Diary of a Miss Hong Kong Finalist - Entry #02

April 17, 2004

Dear Diary,

It's been over 2 months since I sent in my MHK application. I am still waiting and am growing rather anxious. I have to wait another 3 weeks before I see whether or not I get called........... god, I really hope I make it! I desperately need a job now and I just want to be in MHK Pageant and even if I fail, I can still sign up to TVB, get a job, make some money, and be happy.

I was checking out TVBspace News Roundup today and I got a preview of what I am up against. Diary, is it mean of me to say I was dying of laughter at the pictures? Seriously though, those girls were too freaking dressed up. It's just a try-out for God's sake! They were acting like they were going to some rich party! And what's up with that one girl and the golden chipao?! Hahahaa, seriously, Diary, these girls are definitely going to be no match for me! If all the girls are like this, then I really am going to be one of the contestants...!

Diary, do you remember last time when I told you I threw out my golden chipao that Auntie Sa Sa gave me? It was that really outdated chipao that she loved so much. In any case, I was actually going to wear it and have a big flower in my hair for my MHK application, but thank god I decided not to! Auntie Sa Sa is 30 years behind anyway with her mushroom hair and consistent yellow attire. Perhaps I shouldn't have laughed at that poor girl in the golden chipao cause that could have been me had you not stopped me, Diary!

All my hopes and welfare money are resting on me making it into the pageant! Don't let me down God! Oh wait, I am Buddhist! Why am I praying to God?! In any case, I will be waiting day and night by the phone.........

The Diary of a Miss Hong Kong Finalist - Entry #01

Miss Hong Kong fever has started up again and the MHK 2004 Pageant is about to set way during these next few months. teeveebee is proud to announce that it has gotten in touched with one of the hopefuls for this year's pageant! We will go to a place where no one has ever gone before - into the mind, heart, soul, and dream of a Miss Hong Kong finalist.

Miss Hong Kong 2004 Finalist #19

Name: 林露玉 Lam Lo Yuk (Kelly)
Age: 25
Occupation: Unemployed
Measurements: 34" 24" 36"
Height: 5'7"
Weight: 115 lbs
Location: New York

February 2, 2004

Dear Diary,

I was watching my favorite series "Virtues of Harmony II" today and I noticed that many of the failed MHK 03 contestants are now appearing in the show. Today I went out for another job interview and sadly, history is repeated. I don't understand why I can't find a job. I'm smart, beautiful, and I'm quick. Why doesn't anyone want to hire me? Anyway, back to what happened today. I was out at Macy's trying out to be a cashier for their cosmetic department, but when they told me I would have to lie to customers so that products could sell, I was outraged! Needless to say I went off on them. Perhaps I am too true, but I cannot stand lying to people. This Lo Yuk doesn't just has a reputation, I will never be fake!

The more I see Amy Ang on "VOH 2" the more furious I get. She failed MHK, and yet she is still receiving success. Ok, so maybe she'll never get a leading role and maybe she'll always be just an extra, but hey, at least she has a job! I was looking in the mirror today and I realized I am starting to turn old and I am still boyfriend-less. After my break-up with Gam Yuet for being too controlling, I can't seem to find another person to love. I miss Ah Yuet....

After much thinking, Diary, I've decided to confess that I just filled out and sent a MHK application. Perhaps I won't win and maybe I won't even make it as a contestant, but I am still hopeful. Wish me luck Diary!

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Shameless Angels 3D

teeveebee is proud to bring you news of the latest blockbuster to hit your screens and the stars of "Angels of Mission" turned to "Angels go Fishin'" ... for media attention that is. A few insignificant male co-stars were pushed aside as the three girls flashed their borrowed gems and elbowed each other out of way in a competition to see who could get the most headspace in the next day's papers.

C: I am SO happy I chose this dress... my legs will surely grab the most attention.
So: At least I get to be in the middle 'cos I am the lead, no matter what you say.
Sh: Oww... my feet are killing in these shoes, but at least I look taller than the others.

So: Quick, she's heading our way, move move... we don't want her in the picture!
C: If your hand comes any closer to mine, I will slap you!
Sh: Just let me inadvertantly tip my chest towards the camera there...

So: Can't be outdone by the little runt, look everyone, I couldn't afford a whole dress!
C: Look at my beautiful ring! Oh and just let me position my hand near my assets for you there...

P: I kissed her... and I have the pictures to prove it!

So: Just let me lean a little closer to you there Patrick. I am so good at this game!
P: Finally I get a camera in my direction.

C: Look it's not a real gun! My bones wouldn't be able to hold it up if it was!
So: I'm in the middle again...
Sh: Thank goodness the show is finally airing... now I don't have to see you two so much any more.

C: Yay yay... I am at the front of the pic. Now just let me try and get in the way of her.
So: I am still in the middle.
Sh: At last, let me sit down and rest my poor feet.
Woman in the background: Well these Shameless Angels really live up to their name...