Tuesday, August 03, 2004

teeveebee academy presents: Choosing photo partners for dummies

Welcome to the teeveebee guide to choosing a photographic partner. I'm your host Myolie and as you can see, I have been studying this hefty manual that is every artistes bible on how to make sure the best is brought out of you in every photo for the press.

Lesson One - The Pork Chop

As you can see, Ron's choice to have his photo taken with this 'Chop Queen' does wonders in exaggerating his good looks to the audience.

This is obviously a popular choice among the good looking boys as Alex also chooses the right 'fan' to be photographed with. Note how Alex has mastered this technique beautifully as he even seems pleased to be in the company of such a distinctly ordinary girl - perhaps he has spotted the next fan in the line.

Lesson Two - Children & Animals

When you have no plain looking fans around, grab the best fed kid you can find and pretend to be friendly. Fake your best "I LOVE KIDS!" grin and try to hide the fact you think this kid could do with a couple of laps around the block. Mandy demonstrates this beautifully here, but when she plans to do with that offensive weapon is another story.

When there are no kids provided by the venue, don't worry, you can always bring your own. This way you have exclusive rights to have your pic with them and in the case of Flora, holding a kid can hide a multitude of sins, including wearing no make-up and having no dress sense.

No kids around, no worries - Niki and Patrick demonstrate that animals can have the same effect, especially if you emulate their goofy expressions. Unfortunately for Niki in this picture, her leg looks too much like a chicken drumstick for Patrick's dog to pay attention to anything else.

Lesson 3 - Strange Indistinct Phallic Symbols

Andy tries a fresh approach by trying his luck with this rather odd character, but beware of direct comparison not of looks but of endowments. This fella beats you hands down Andy, even if his is attached to the top of his body and has his face embedded in it.

Lesson 4 - When all else fails

Ada and Nancy show that they are obviously experts in the skill of showing oneself up in these excellent choice of partners. Beware though as extreme exposure to these specimens may leave you with a nervous disposition.

Monday, August 02, 2004

TITS - Triumph In The Shame

Series Evaluation
Triumph In The Skies - The draggy 40 episodes of reused plotlines and characters and pointless romances, but with its grand production aspect, "hot young cast", TVB's cheap special effects, and beautiful scenaries, everyone is declaring it the best of the best, a must-watch, and so refreshing. Perhaps they've mistaken it to be a travel's guide video. In any case, according to everyone, TITS is the best, right?! Or maybe they don't realize TITS is an acronym for "Triumph In The Skies"....

Character Analysis
Sam (Francis Ng) - The man with the weird haircut and terrible English who amazing landed a job as a pilot despite lacking clear communication skills.

Vincent (Joe Ma) - The one who died

Belle (Flora Chan) - The old hag who still thinks she's 20 with an innocent mind and determined to believe in fate. Yet she can't make up her mind and cries all the time and even goes crazy because she's so stupid, annoying, and she can't squeeze any tears out in her numerous crying scenes.

Zoe (Myolie Wu) - The girl who has nothing better to do than stick her nose into everyone's business, despite having a heart disease that she should be worrying about. She likes to fall in love with men who are her dad's age because she confuses love with paternal care.

Zita (Michelle Yip) - The expressionless girl who can't decide who she "loves"

Issac (Ron Ng) - The boy who messes around and studies in a weird way with a ball and yet manages to get a 100

Donald (Sammul Chan) - The mama's boy who is stereotypically rich and tries to shake off his feminine image by loving Zita, the masculine girl who wants to be a pilot

Chris (Bosco Wong) - The one who got an award just because it would be too predictable to give it to Issac

Roy (Kenneth Ma) - The 30+ actor who tries to be young and act like a newcomer and eats all the time when he's on screen and fails to have any importance besides being a member of "S4"

Who wouldn't love TITS?!