Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Special Report: Blab Blab 2008

As with all conspiracies and theories, the Teeveebee janitor is not an ordinary being...*cough.. He's not human anyway* He is the trusty whistle blower of the boss of Teeveebee, MrSir Walk Walk Haw. And today, not like any other day, Janitor has a special meeting with dear ol' Ah Haw Sir Walk Walk Haw... ...and left. (Well, meetings don't last forever)

Secretary Snoop d Doo was left with the unpleasant task *it seems that Janitor is fond of writing on soiled papers* of filing the special report by Janitor, code name Blab Blab 2008...



L:*Yawns* Couldn't they do this when I'm not wishing for my bed?
JC: Hah! I got the prop...I got...
R: OoH, green binoculars!!! I want I want.
V and M: We are standees... We are standees...We are standees




L: I shall pretend there's a bird up thereeee...I must keep my cool. I must not feel sorry for myself. There's always next year...
SK: Piece of cakeabalone...Ahem, I ousted JehJeh from the prime spot. Ehehehe. The most valued fixtureperson in Teeveebee!!! Pardon me, this is all new. Oh..hohohoho
E: I'm special. Very Special. So I can appear anywhere. Haha
SC: JehJeh, how it feels to be sidelined? Kekeke *Tongue in cheek*
B: Sigh...Just last year, I was so loved! Smile...remember to smile.
R: I..*DING*




F: Almost, almost...My knees are turning into jello.
Y: Watch your hands!!! *Glares and smiles*
K: *farts farts* I really need to poop. Is this done yet? Sorry Chris. Stop applying pressure with your hand. *pleads*
C: Doh...You caused me to freeze up. I look like a grinning idiot now!
KK: Hear no evil...




A: I know I'm short but this makes me look more stupid. That's for not being someone's Honey Honey. *Sighs*
BW: Turn into M...Turn into M...Concentrate... Concentrate.
BL: You wish. I will not morph...will not!!!!
WH: I want to die. This is such an ugly hairstyle!
T: Did you hear that?
M: I did. Now stop pulling my tie or I will snap my fingers and yell for help!




M: Hello? Anyone there? Get me out of this dumb War and Genders crap. Boo...I don't belong with this people. Urgh...Such a cruel joke!!!
S: Poor guy...He's not supposed to be here, ya know?
WCL: What to do? I feel sorry for both of you.
S: *sobs* I thought you didn't notice. Thanks.

Janitor didn't record what the girls said. Janitor thought they are mannequins.




K: Stephen, do you think we can do something else next year? Er, surely we will have a spot in next year's calendar...*mumble mumble*
S: Yuh, this is kinda boring. I know I have a hot bod *unlike someone*, there's no need to keep harping on it. Wahahaha
R: Bleh...They didn't tell me it's a swim wear shoot! I could have gone and tone my bod. Now I look so gay.
F: They like me...They like me...I'm so hot!!!!! *Getting delirious*

So F drowned out the voices of Nancy and Suki.




C: Adam, how does it feel to be left out of your exclusive club? I really don't mind being here. Afterall, I look good ALL the time. *Meows*
A: Tell me about it. *Glumly* Now I'm left to make someone's Honey Honey look dashing. Bah...
P: Hey!!! I'm here on my on merit!!! *Feels so good. Ahahaha. Finally, my time has come*
WYH: Hello? *In a small voice*




*The Ms HongKong music starts*

With all the poise and elegance, their ultra fake compliance and swooning dresses makes Janitor drowsy and he fell into a deep sleep while the shooting went on... ...




*An aura of jadedness*

G: Why oh why? W....WH... ..Y... WHY?!!!!!
B: Can they give me some new partners? Bleh, no mood to smile at all.
S: Hrmm...Such an ugly cheong sam and hairstyle. Do they think they can get me down with such treatment? Dream on. *Smirk*
SC: Come on. I will look very good with Bowie. *Doe eyes*
M and T: One day....that day will come. *Wistfully*




MM: Oh this is quite fun. Ahahaha.
SM: Ada...Yoohoo? Er...look here please?
A: *Pretends not to hear* Oh Sum Gor...can I have special discounts if I buy shades from you?
MS: Umm...can't remember if I'm supposed to join Sum Gor...Hmm...

*The two SLs dutifully play their part as background A and B*




C: Do you think my megawatt smile is flawless?
J: Who cares? Geez, you put on weight?! I'm feeling the strain. *snaps snaps* Someone help!!!
R: Ahaahhaha. I didn't get to talk earlier. Now, I will make sure you all hear me. Yuh you heard me. So yep, poor jess. At least, the french horn doesn't weigh that much. *sniggers*
K: Heh... Teeveebee loves me. I love Teeveebee. Thank You. Thank You.




A, E and R: Yuh, we took the second row. *shrug* But, anyone can see us clearly unlike a lot of people (backdrops, mannequins etc).
J: My only complain is the stupid hair. Oh, and why I don't get to inch closer to Myolie?
G: Dude, know your place. Not everyone has special privileges(teases). Ahahaha
M: Men!!! It would be nice if...if... *Blushes*

End of LaughsReport.
Ah Haw, can I have Tiramisu next time?

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Teeveebee janitor's blabs about Calendar 2007

Somewhere, someone thought it was safe to let the teeveebee janitor gets its (who said this job is only for humans)paws hands *cough* on a copy since it's no longer a rag- and- tag- job-placemat calendar *cough, cough*... ...

Unfortunately, the teeveebee janitor’s brain works DIFFERENTLY. So, what does our teeveebee janitor has to say?

~~~ @@@ ~~~




Waaa… so many human mannequins!!! Have to hand it to Ana Yau though; everyone did the colgate/ darlie smile but her. She’s got all my attention. Huh? There’s Bowie and Charmaine in the picture??!!!




Ah… The Oldies’ Turf! Oh, this year Nancy Sit lost the “arm wrestling match” to Liza Wang. Heeheehee. That also explains why Jessica had to stand so much further away from the camera. Fa Dans and Ah Gors should count their lucky stars if don’t get crushed by some “railway tracks” (wrinkles). Mwahahahahaha.




If I didn’t know better, I thought this a dead family portrait (daguerreotype). Hahaha. All of them looked so glum and stiff! Can’t be helped, they were portraying dead people anyway. Hiak Hiak Hiak.




*Sniggers* some people’s acting just sucks. Ask him to hold a mike and pretend to sing, he looks like he is having some urinary problems instead. (Hint: a not-so-smooth release in the lavatory)




See… when it’s gets agonizing to look at three adults acting cute, use a backup plan. Find some cute dogs and move on. This tactic should be used more often.




This is so obvious. “Pay attention to Chris Lai. Please ignore the rest. If you find it hard to do so, just concentrate on the black bloc and hopefully your conscience will stop nagging. Thank you very much.”




Oohlala!!!! Honey melon, Dragon fruit or Orange? Assortment of flavours guaranteed to tantalize your taste buds. *Hmm… actually, it’s so similar to a typical lingerie advertisement*




After a lingerie advertisement, It's time for some guys to show off their meat bods. *Yawn* That’s how Summer is defined??!! This is so bland.




Sam Leung Gau Jee? Three Lionesses and one Lion? Suk Luis and Yau Nam? I don’t know what to make of this. No, wait! It's the Chai Lai Angels 2!!!!! Hahahahahahahaha




*Think**Think* Okay, I get the drift. It’s Chung Yeung Festival!!! The cake, flowers and table are the stars here. Duh… Not sure whether those people were ghouls. *Scratches head*




Yoohoho!!! Sonija got the central spot! But, I suspect that whoever- in- charge cannot stand her badgering and caved in. The hideous hairdo is a dead giveaway. Heeheehee. She seemed like a vengeful and crazy lass than a partygoer.




You’d know that you arrived when you don’t have to budge an inch to get into the viewfinder of a camera, it will find you. Noticed how the folks on the left squeezed themselves into the frame? Ah, so what’s next? You give a super megawatt smile but if you cant muster it, wear shades to reduce the glare. In the event that you don’t have shades, make sure that you can bend backwards with ease (otherwise, the camera will capture your grimace instead).

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

The Alternative TVB Sales Presentation 2005

Once again, teeveebee presents some of its forthcoming productions. Brought to you this year by Aiwah and gooze!

Triumph in the Fries

Starring: Francis Ng, Michelle Ye, Myolie Wu, Ron Ng, Sammul Chan, Kenneth Ma and guest starring Bosco Wong as Ronald McDonald

Jumping at the chance to do another series about 'frying', Francis has landed himself in the fat as he realises this is series is actually set in a burger bar where his character Sam is fired from his pilot job after they realise how poor his English is and is left to start again from the bottom in a McDonalds, serving french fries, burgers and chicken mcnuggets. There he meets a group of young trainees, that includes a high school dropout Issac, university grad who can't get an office job Donald, ex-model Roy and the token pretty girl, Zita who falls for Sam's maturity and charm.

Life goes swimmingly until Zita finds out that Sam already has a wife. Will Sam leave Zoe for Zita decide to accept the affections from Issac and Donald? Is there a secret relationship between Roy and Ronald? More importantly, will Zita be able to keep her figure with the temptation of all this junk food?

Spilt Seconds

Starring: Alex Fong, Bobby Au Yeung, Kenix Kwok, Yoyo Mung

July 1st 2004 - Haagen Dasz Boutique Restaurant, Tsimshatsui

CIB inspectors Ga Sir (Bobby) and Madam Wong (Kenix) are consoling each other over a 9-flavour lover's selection super sundae when suddenly, their colleague Dung Sir (Alex) rushes in and points a gun at them.
"Don't move!!"
In the shock, Madam Wong's arm accidentally swings and knocks over the ice cream dessert, splattering sweet stuff all over the table and the floor.

"I told you we shouldn't have had that second helping! That cost me $300!" calls Ga Sir.

"Wait... look!" shrieks Madam Wong as she points at the melting dessert dripping from the side of the table onto the tiled marble floor. There is a small black electronic device with a blinking red LED that is being revealed from within a scoop of strawberry cheesecake flavour. It's a bomb!

The team have just thirty days before the annual dessert exposition where the crazy ice cream bomber threatens to send all the gluttons of Hong Kong into ice cream heaven. Will they manage it or will this be an end to the slimming industry in Hong Kong as we know it?

TVB Apprentice

Starring: Jade New Army - Lai Lok Yi, Amigo Chui, Jack Wu, Charles Szeto, Vin Choi, Martin Lau, Linda Chung, Vivien Yeo, Cecilia Yeung, Winnie Shum, Anita Kwan and Fu Sze Sze.
Special Guest Star: Mona Fong

When these twelve young stars put themselves forward for a chance to star in a major promotional series that would prepare them for the cut-throat world of showbusiness, little did they realise that not only were the rewards great, but also the sacrifices. Week by week, the contestants are put through a series of challenges that will test their TVB artiste abilities to the max, but there is only one inevitability at the end of each challenge and that is that Mona will say the legendary words to one person: "You're fired!"

Challenges will include:
- Filming for 48 hours with just a fifteen minute toilet break
- Living, eating, washing and sleeping at TVB City for two weeks running
- Being dangled from a wire in the middle of a mosquito ridden forest in the height of summer for 10 hours whilst the director and producer argue over camera angles
- Competition to see how many times you can be photographed with the executives in a week
- Wearing winter clothing in sweltering 30+ degrees heat and summer clothing right smack in the middle of winter

The prize: One year's top promotion by TVB as a managed artiste, being given all the leading roles in the 'Grand Productions', guaranteed an award at the anniversary and a massive jewellery sponsorship contract. Also, numerous seafood lunches with the executives and a four month exile to Hengdian and Beijing in mid-winter to be worked to the bone in the next great TVB flop.

War and Beauty in TVB City

Starring: Sheren Tang, Maggie Cheung, Charmaine Sheh, Gigi Lai
Introducing: Lok Yik Ling, Tsang Lai Jun and Chan Chi Wan

Set in the surroundings of a thriving monopolous television station set in a not so faraway land, the story tells of the conflicts between four female divas as they vie for the attentions of the two controllers of power in the Inner Production Palaces. 'Empress' Ling and 'Head Concubine' Jun are the outwardly friendly inwardly devious rulers within the palace, that is led by the 'Emperor' Wan.

We cover the story through the two young ladies Maan and Chi arrival at TVB city, their progress through the artiste training classes, their rise to success and all the devious tricks that are dealt out to their competitors along the way. Angered by the emergence of these young stars, semi-veterans Man and Yee work together to be sure of their place in the hierarchy, but can two people co-exist at the top of the ladder and how much of a threat do the young ones really pose. With the approach of the climax and the anniversary awards ceremony, we see backstabbing and rumour-mongering to the max as each lady hatches their plan on how to get the much anticipated reward.

There will also be a concurrent series of related gossip and commentary that will be featured in all top periodicals when this series airs surrounding the four female leads to fully ensure that the promotion is pushed to the max.

To Hatch the Unhatchable

Starring: Dayo Wong, Ada Choi and a large egg

Detective Mok is back in this sequel to the hit show, proving that he did not die in the first series after all. After their marriage, Vivi gives up her job and soon becomes pregnant, but when the big day comes and the baby Mok is born, they are all shocked to find that Vivi has given birth to an egg.

Ever the investigator, Mok sets about finding out how this happened and what the sinister plot behind the egg is, but no matter how hard he tries, he cannot get his child to hatch from the egg. When other people also start giving birth to mysterious eggs, the hospital creates a special battery section to store them all until Mok can come up with a solution and an explanation. Will Mok solve this mystery or will they all just have extra large omelettes for dinner instead?

Lady Maa Fan and a Handful of Poo

Once again Jessica is paired with Joe Ma in this ancient day serial that spans through a number of generations until the modern day. Not believing in fate that Joe Ma is her downfall and the king of flops, Jessica as Lady Maa Fan goes against the heavens and steps up to defend this wannabe lead actor. Unfortunately, when it's written in the stars, no matter how good or popular a fa dan you are, Lady Maa Fan realises that she can't fight fate, resulting in her fall together with him.

And so Lady Maa Fan goes down in history as the ever kind-hearted (and stupidest) fa dan in the teeveebee-verse, jeopordising her career and crediibility for the sake of a man.

Guppy Love

Starring: Yuen Wah, Kiki Sheung and a few other veteran actors plus some kids for 'ahhh' factor
Voice talents: Miriam Yeung, Ronald Cheng and Anthony Wong

The phrase 'Gum Yu Lo' (Goldfish Man) in Cantonese usually refers to someone who tempts children away from their parents with some goldfish and then kidnaps them and our hero in this story is a 'Gum Yu Lo', but not of the negative type. Wah is a man who owns a goldfish shop, but tired of being mistaken for a child abductor, he decides to get rid of all his goldfish and start selling tropical fish instead, earning himself the name 'Guppy Lo' instead. He is a sudden hit with the parents and children alike as they call come and admire his colourful fish and even finds love with single mother Ngo.

Meanwhile, in the tanks there is another love story emerging as two of the guppies, voiced over by Miriam and Ronald fall for one another, but are desperate to get away from the evil piranha Rex who wants to take guppy girl for his wife. Will guppy boy managed to outwit the fish with a nasty nip, or will he end up as fish food?

Sunday, November 21, 2004

2004 TEEVEEBEE ANNIVERSARY AWARDS

Due to time constraints, the recent Anniversary Show could not accommodate all the awards categories. Only the more heavily contested and generally the more popular ones were shown and presented on air. However, for the benefit of the other award winners, teeveebee held another ceremony/party to acknowledge the rest of its rightful and deserving winners.

Award for the ensemble of most good-looking leading men/women in a series
Nominees: Split Second, Angels of Mission
Winner: Split Second


Award for most dragged out series
Sole nominee: Virtues of Harmony 2
Winner: Virtues of Harmony 2


Award for the series you want to forget the most
Nominees: Lady Fan, A Handful of Love, Summer Heat
Winner: Lady Fan


Award for the series with the most blatantly borrowed idea
Nominees: Split Second (24), Angels of Mission (Charlie's Angels), To Get Unstuck In Time (Frequency)
Winner: Angels of Mission


Partnership award for the best ill-paired young woman/old man couple and vice versa in a series
Nominees: Flora Chan/Damien Lau (Hard Fate), Myolie Wu/Tse Kwan Ho (Dream of Colours), Any Kwok/Bosco Wong (To Love With No Regrets)
Winner: Amy Kwok/Bosco Wong (To Love With No Regrets)


Award for most over-rated leading actress in a series
Nominees: Gigi Lai (War and Beauty), Charmaine Sheh (War and Beauty), Jessica Hsuan (Lady Fan), Ada Choi (To Catch The Uncatchable)
Winner: Gigi Lai (War and Beauty)


Award for most under-rated leading man in a series
Nominees: Wong He (Net Deception), Tse Kwan Ho (Dream of Colours), Sunny Chan (Placebo Cure)
Winner: Wong He (Net Deception)


Award to the 'fa dan' with the worst choice of character/script
Nominees: Jessica Hsuan (Lady Fan), Jessica Hsuan (A Handful of Love)
Winner: Jessica Hsuan (Lady Fan)


Award for the series with the worst ensemble of leading actors/actresses
Nominees: Lady Fan, To Love With No Regrets, Hidden Treasures, Blade Heart, Summer Heat
Winner: Hidden Treasures


Award for worst leading man in a series
Nominees: Joe Ma (Lady Fan), Joe Ma (A Handful of Love), Joe Ma (Summer Heat)
Winner: Joe Ma (Lady Fan)


Award for worst leading actress in a series
Nominees: Sonija Kwok (Hidden Treasures), Shirley Yeung (Blade Heart), Shirley Yeung (Angels of Mission)
Winner: Shirley Yeung in whichever


Award for the series that proved most profitable to its leading cast of ladies
Nominees: To Catch The Uncatchable, War and Beauty, Shine On You
Winner: War and Beauty

Saturday, November 20, 2004

2005 TEEVEEBEE CALENDAR

Following the tradition of its sister company, teeveebee releases its first ever calendar since its inception! As a special treat, teeveebee executive, gooze, gives you an insight into how the company chose its artistes and how they were grouped.

JANUARY
"The has-beens-but-lest-we-get-bombed-we-had-better-put-them-here"

Kenix Kwok, Bobby Au Yeung, Jessica Hsuan

FEBRUARY
"The veterans-so-cannot-offend-them"

Adam Cheng, Nancy Sit

MARCH
"The we'll-keep-drumming-their-names-unto-you-until-you-accept-them"

Frankie Lam, Michelle Ye, Ron Ng, Mandy Cho, Shirley Yeung

APRIL
"The we've-already-pumped-so-much-money-behind-them-so-they-have-to-be-here"

Sonija Kwok, Raymond Lam, Charmaine Sheh

MAY
"The I-only-found-fame-recently-after-so-many-donkey-years"

Roger Kwok, Bowie Lam

JUNE
"The I-still-haven't-really-found-fame-after-so-many-donkey-years-so-I-guess-I'm-lucky-to-be-here"

Melissa Ng, Joe Ma, Anne Heung

JULY
"The no-longer-under-our-contract-but-we-still-like-her"

Flora Chan

AUGUST
"The bosses'-toy-boys"

Sammul Chan, Kenneth Ma, Bosco Wong

SEPTEMBER
"The thank-god-I'm-still-here"

Ada Choi

OCTOBER
"The ex-beauty-queens-whose-puke-factor-is-minimal-compared-to-other-ex-beauty-queens"

Myolie Wu, Bernice Liu

NOVEMBER
"The we-like-them-so-they're-here"

Lai Lok Yi, Tavia Yeung

DECEMBER
"The we-think-they're-drool-worthy-leading-men"

Moses Chan, Kevin Cheng

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

teeveebee academy presents: Choosing photo partners for dummies



Welcome to the teeveebee guide to choosing a photographic partner. I'm your host Myolie and as you can see, I have been studying this hefty manual that is every artistes bible on how to make sure the best is brought out of you in every photo for the press.

Lesson One - The Pork Chop



As you can see, Ron's choice to have his photo taken with this 'Chop Queen' does wonders in exaggerating his good looks to the audience.



This is obviously a popular choice among the good looking boys as Alex also chooses the right 'fan' to be photographed with. Note how Alex has mastered this technique beautifully as he even seems pleased to be in the company of such a distinctly ordinary girl - perhaps he has spotted the next fan in the line.

Lesson Two - Children & Animals



When you have no plain looking fans around, grab the best fed kid you can find and pretend to be friendly. Fake your best "I LOVE KIDS!" grin and try to hide the fact you think this kid could do with a couple of laps around the block. Mandy demonstrates this beautifully here, but when she plans to do with that offensive weapon is another story.



When there are no kids provided by the venue, don't worry, you can always bring your own. This way you have exclusive rights to have your pic with them and in the case of Flora, holding a kid can hide a multitude of sins, including wearing no make-up and having no dress sense.



No kids around, no worries - Niki and Patrick demonstrate that animals can have the same effect, especially if you emulate their goofy expressions. Unfortunately for Niki in this picture, her leg looks too much like a chicken drumstick for Patrick's dog to pay attention to anything else.

Lesson 3 - Strange Indistinct Phallic Symbols



Andy tries a fresh approach by trying his luck with this rather odd character, but beware of direct comparison not of looks but of endowments. This fella beats you hands down Andy, even if his is attached to the top of his body and has his face embedded in it.

Lesson 4 - When all else fails



Ada and Nancy show that they are obviously experts in the skill of showing oneself up in these excellent choice of partners. Beware though as extreme exposure to these specimens may leave you with a nervous disposition.