Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Special Report: Blab Blab 2008

As with all conspiracies and theories, the Teeveebee janitor is not an ordinary being...*cough.. He's not human anyway* He is the trusty whistle blower of the boss of Teeveebee, MrSir Walk Walk Haw. And today, not like any other day, Janitor has a special meeting with dear ol' Ah Haw Sir Walk Walk Haw... ...and left. (Well, meetings don't last forever)

Secretary Snoop d Doo was left with the unpleasant task *it seems that Janitor is fond of writing on soiled papers* of filing the special report by Janitor, code name Blab Blab 2008...



L:*Yawns* Couldn't they do this when I'm not wishing for my bed?
JC: Hah! I got the prop...I got...
R: OoH, green binoculars!!! I want I want.
V and M: We are standees... We are standees...We are standees




L: I shall pretend there's a bird up thereeee...I must keep my cool. I must not feel sorry for myself. There's always next year...
SK: Piece of cakeabalone...Ahem, I ousted JehJeh from the prime spot. Ehehehe. The most valued fixtureperson in Teeveebee!!! Pardon me, this is all new. Oh..hohohoho
E: I'm special. Very Special. So I can appear anywhere. Haha
SC: JehJeh, how it feels to be sidelined? Kekeke *Tongue in cheek*
B: Sigh...Just last year, I was so loved! Smile...remember to smile.
R: I..*DING*




F: Almost, almost...My knees are turning into jello.
Y: Watch your hands!!! *Glares and smiles*
K: *farts farts* I really need to poop. Is this done yet? Sorry Chris. Stop applying pressure with your hand. *pleads*
C: Doh...You caused me to freeze up. I look like a grinning idiot now!
KK: Hear no evil...




A: I know I'm short but this makes me look more stupid. That's for not being someone's Honey Honey. *Sighs*
BW: Turn into M...Turn into M...Concentrate... Concentrate.
BL: You wish. I will not morph...will not!!!!
WH: I want to die. This is such an ugly hairstyle!
T: Did you hear that?
M: I did. Now stop pulling my tie or I will snap my fingers and yell for help!




M: Hello? Anyone there? Get me out of this dumb War and Genders crap. Boo...I don't belong with this people. Urgh...Such a cruel joke!!!
S: Poor guy...He's not supposed to be here, ya know?
WCL: What to do? I feel sorry for both of you.
S: *sobs* I thought you didn't notice. Thanks.

Janitor didn't record what the girls said. Janitor thought they are mannequins.




K: Stephen, do you think we can do something else next year? Er, surely we will have a spot in next year's calendar...*mumble mumble*
S: Yuh, this is kinda boring. I know I have a hot bod *unlike someone*, there's no need to keep harping on it. Wahahaha
R: Bleh...They didn't tell me it's a swim wear shoot! I could have gone and tone my bod. Now I look so gay.
F: They like me...They like me...I'm so hot!!!!! *Getting delirious*

So F drowned out the voices of Nancy and Suki.




C: Adam, how does it feel to be left out of your exclusive club? I really don't mind being here. Afterall, I look good ALL the time. *Meows*
A: Tell me about it. *Glumly* Now I'm left to make someone's Honey Honey look dashing. Bah...
P: Hey!!! I'm here on my on merit!!! *Feels so good. Ahahaha. Finally, my time has come*
WYH: Hello? *In a small voice*




*The Ms HongKong music starts*

With all the poise and elegance, their ultra fake compliance and swooning dresses makes Janitor drowsy and he fell into a deep sleep while the shooting went on... ...




*An aura of jadedness*

G: Why oh why? W....WH... ..Y... WHY?!!!!!
B: Can they give me some new partners? Bleh, no mood to smile at all.
S: Hrmm...Such an ugly cheong sam and hairstyle. Do they think they can get me down with such treatment? Dream on. *Smirk*
SC: Come on. I will look very good with Bowie. *Doe eyes*
M and T: One day....that day will come. *Wistfully*




MM: Oh this is quite fun. Ahahaha.
SM: Ada...Yoohoo? Er...look here please?
A: *Pretends not to hear* Oh Sum Gor...can I have special discounts if I buy shades from you?
MS: Umm...can't remember if I'm supposed to join Sum Gor...Hmm...

*The two SLs dutifully play their part as background A and B*




C: Do you think my megawatt smile is flawless?
J: Who cares? Geez, you put on weight?! I'm feeling the strain. *snaps snaps* Someone help!!!
R: Ahaahhaha. I didn't get to talk earlier. Now, I will make sure you all hear me. Yuh you heard me. So yep, poor jess. At least, the french horn doesn't weigh that much. *sniggers*
K: Heh... Teeveebee loves me. I love Teeveebee. Thank You. Thank You.




A, E and R: Yuh, we took the second row. *shrug* But, anyone can see us clearly unlike a lot of people (backdrops, mannequins etc).
J: My only complain is the stupid hair. Oh, and why I don't get to inch closer to Myolie?
G: Dude, know your place. Not everyone has special privileges(teases). Ahahaha
M: Men!!! It would be nice if...if... *Blushes*

End of LaughsReport.
Ah Haw, can I have Tiramisu next time?

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Teeveebee janitor's blabs about Calendar 2007

Somewhere, someone thought it was safe to let the teeveebee janitor gets its (who said this job is only for humans)paws hands *cough* on a copy since it's no longer a rag- and- tag- job-placemat calendar *cough, cough*... ...

Unfortunately, the teeveebee janitor’s brain works DIFFERENTLY. So, what does our teeveebee janitor has to say?

~~~ @@@ ~~~




Waaa… so many human mannequins!!! Have to hand it to Ana Yau though; everyone did the colgate/ darlie smile but her. She’s got all my attention. Huh? There’s Bowie and Charmaine in the picture??!!!




Ah… The Oldies’ Turf! Oh, this year Nancy Sit lost the “arm wrestling match” to Liza Wang. Heeheehee. That also explains why Jessica had to stand so much further away from the camera. Fa Dans and Ah Gors should count their lucky stars if don’t get crushed by some “railway tracks” (wrinkles). Mwahahahahaha.




If I didn’t know better, I thought this a dead family portrait (daguerreotype). Hahaha. All of them looked so glum and stiff! Can’t be helped, they were portraying dead people anyway. Hiak Hiak Hiak.




*Sniggers* some people’s acting just sucks. Ask him to hold a mike and pretend to sing, he looks like he is having some urinary problems instead. (Hint: a not-so-smooth release in the lavatory)




See… when it’s gets agonizing to look at three adults acting cute, use a backup plan. Find some cute dogs and move on. This tactic should be used more often.




This is so obvious. “Pay attention to Chris Lai. Please ignore the rest. If you find it hard to do so, just concentrate on the black bloc and hopefully your conscience will stop nagging. Thank you very much.”




Oohlala!!!! Honey melon, Dragon fruit or Orange? Assortment of flavours guaranteed to tantalize your taste buds. *Hmm… actually, it’s so similar to a typical lingerie advertisement*




After a lingerie advertisement, It's time for some guys to show off their meat bods. *Yawn* That’s how Summer is defined??!! This is so bland.




Sam Leung Gau Jee? Three Lionesses and one Lion? Suk Luis and Yau Nam? I don’t know what to make of this. No, wait! It's the Chai Lai Angels 2!!!!! Hahahahahahahaha




*Think**Think* Okay, I get the drift. It’s Chung Yeung Festival!!! The cake, flowers and table are the stars here. Duh… Not sure whether those people were ghouls. *Scratches head*




Yoohoho!!! Sonija got the central spot! But, I suspect that whoever- in- charge cannot stand her badgering and caved in. The hideous hairdo is a dead giveaway. Heeheehee. She seemed like a vengeful and crazy lass than a partygoer.




You’d know that you arrived when you don’t have to budge an inch to get into the viewfinder of a camera, it will find you. Noticed how the folks on the left squeezed themselves into the frame? Ah, so what’s next? You give a super megawatt smile but if you cant muster it, wear shades to reduce the glare. In the event that you don’t have shades, make sure that you can bend backwards with ease (otherwise, the camera will capture your grimace instead).

Sunday, November 21, 2004

2004 TEEVEEBEE ANNIVERSARY AWARDS

Due to time constraints, the recent Anniversary Show could not accommodate all the awards categories. Only the more heavily contested and generally the more popular ones were shown and presented on air. However, for the benefit of the other award winners, teeveebee held another ceremony/party to acknowledge the rest of its rightful and deserving winners.

Award for the ensemble of most good-looking leading men/women in a series
Nominees: Split Second, Angels of Mission
Winner: Split Second


Award for most dragged out series
Sole nominee: Virtues of Harmony 2
Winner: Virtues of Harmony 2


Award for the series you want to forget the most
Nominees: Lady Fan, A Handful of Love, Summer Heat
Winner: Lady Fan


Award for the series with the most blatantly borrowed idea
Nominees: Split Second (24), Angels of Mission (Charlie's Angels), To Get Unstuck In Time (Frequency)
Winner: Angels of Mission


Partnership award for the best ill-paired young woman/old man couple and vice versa in a series
Nominees: Flora Chan/Damien Lau (Hard Fate), Myolie Wu/Tse Kwan Ho (Dream of Colours), Any Kwok/Bosco Wong (To Love With No Regrets)
Winner: Amy Kwok/Bosco Wong (To Love With No Regrets)


Award for most over-rated leading actress in a series
Nominees: Gigi Lai (War and Beauty), Charmaine Sheh (War and Beauty), Jessica Hsuan (Lady Fan), Ada Choi (To Catch The Uncatchable)
Winner: Gigi Lai (War and Beauty)


Award for most under-rated leading man in a series
Nominees: Wong He (Net Deception), Tse Kwan Ho (Dream of Colours), Sunny Chan (Placebo Cure)
Winner: Wong He (Net Deception)


Award to the 'fa dan' with the worst choice of character/script
Nominees: Jessica Hsuan (Lady Fan), Jessica Hsuan (A Handful of Love)
Winner: Jessica Hsuan (Lady Fan)


Award for the series with the worst ensemble of leading actors/actresses
Nominees: Lady Fan, To Love With No Regrets, Hidden Treasures, Blade Heart, Summer Heat
Winner: Hidden Treasures


Award for worst leading man in a series
Nominees: Joe Ma (Lady Fan), Joe Ma (A Handful of Love), Joe Ma (Summer Heat)
Winner: Joe Ma (Lady Fan)


Award for worst leading actress in a series
Nominees: Sonija Kwok (Hidden Treasures), Shirley Yeung (Blade Heart), Shirley Yeung (Angels of Mission)
Winner: Shirley Yeung in whichever


Award for the series that proved most profitable to its leading cast of ladies
Nominees: To Catch The Uncatchable, War and Beauty, Shine On You
Winner: War and Beauty

Saturday, November 20, 2004

2005 TEEVEEBEE CALENDAR

Following the tradition of its sister company, teeveebee releases its first ever calendar since its inception! As a special treat, teeveebee executive, gooze, gives you an insight into how the company chose its artistes and how they were grouped.

JANUARY
"The has-beens-but-lest-we-get-bombed-we-had-better-put-them-here"

Kenix Kwok, Bobby Au Yeung, Jessica Hsuan

FEBRUARY
"The veterans-so-cannot-offend-them"

Adam Cheng, Nancy Sit

MARCH
"The we'll-keep-drumming-their-names-unto-you-until-you-accept-them"

Frankie Lam, Michelle Ye, Ron Ng, Mandy Cho, Shirley Yeung

APRIL
"The we've-already-pumped-so-much-money-behind-them-so-they-have-to-be-here"

Sonija Kwok, Raymond Lam, Charmaine Sheh

MAY
"The I-only-found-fame-recently-after-so-many-donkey-years"

Roger Kwok, Bowie Lam

JUNE
"The I-still-haven't-really-found-fame-after-so-many-donkey-years-so-I-guess-I'm-lucky-to-be-here"

Melissa Ng, Joe Ma, Anne Heung

JULY
"The no-longer-under-our-contract-but-we-still-like-her"

Flora Chan

AUGUST
"The bosses'-toy-boys"

Sammul Chan, Kenneth Ma, Bosco Wong

SEPTEMBER
"The thank-god-I'm-still-here"

Ada Choi

OCTOBER
"The ex-beauty-queens-whose-puke-factor-is-minimal-compared-to-other-ex-beauty-queens"

Myolie Wu, Bernice Liu

NOVEMBER
"The we-like-them-so-they're-here"

Lai Lok Yi, Tavia Yeung

DECEMBER
"The we-think-they're-drool-worthy-leading-men"

Moses Chan, Kevin Cheng

Monday, August 02, 2004

TITS - Triumph In The Shame

Series Evaluation
Triumph In The Skies - The draggy 40 episodes of reused plotlines and characters and pointless romances, but with its grand production aspect, "hot young cast", TVB's cheap special effects, and beautiful scenaries, everyone is declaring it the best of the best, a must-watch, and so refreshing. Perhaps they've mistaken it to be a travel's guide video. In any case, according to everyone, TITS is the best, right?! Or maybe they don't realize TITS is an acronym for "Triumph In The Skies"....

Character Analysis
Sam (Francis Ng) - The man with the weird haircut and terrible English who amazing landed a job as a pilot despite lacking clear communication skills.

Vincent (Joe Ma) - The one who died

Belle (Flora Chan) - The old hag who still thinks she's 20 with an innocent mind and determined to believe in fate. Yet she can't make up her mind and cries all the time and even goes crazy because she's so stupid, annoying, and she can't squeeze any tears out in her numerous crying scenes.

Zoe (Myolie Wu) - The girl who has nothing better to do than stick her nose into everyone's business, despite having a heart disease that she should be worrying about. She likes to fall in love with men who are her dad's age because she confuses love with paternal care.

Zita (Michelle Yip) - The expressionless girl who can't decide who she "loves"

Issac (Ron Ng) - The boy who messes around and studies in a weird way with a ball and yet manages to get a 100

Donald (Sammul Chan) - The mama's boy who is stereotypically rich and tries to shake off his feminine image by loving Zita, the masculine girl who wants to be a pilot

Chris (Bosco Wong) - The one who got an award just because it would be too predictable to give it to Issac

Roy (Kenneth Ma) - The 30+ actor who tries to be young and act like a newcomer and eats all the time when he's on screen and fails to have any importance besides being a member of "S4"

Who wouldn't love TITS?!


Friday, July 02, 2004

The Diary of a Miss Hong Kong Finalist - Production Special



teeveebee's highly successful The Diary of a Miss Hong Kong Finalist has finally ended with rave reviews and high ratings. The six figure sum that we paid Ms. Kelly Lam surely has paid off! But the audience's fascination with the series hasn't ended, so to everyone's delight, tonight teeveebee is holding a "Production Special" for this popular series that shows exactly how and why this series was made! Without ado, we present to everyone, the writer that made this series possible.......

First and foremost, I want to thank everyone for supporting Diary. I'm really happy that the series had so many readers!

The Idea
Diary sparked up from me being tired of seeing so much news on Miss Hong Kong each and every year when the pageant starts up again. Haha so then I was thinking it would be hilarious if Virtues of Harmony II did a spoof on the MHK as a storyline in which they add a new character or whatever that experiences the whole MHK scenario and story. So I tell Em about it and after awhile, the idea turned into a teeveebee idea. Then after further discussion with her and Bernie, I decided I would be the one to write it. Hence The Diary of a Miss Hong Kong Finalist was born! From the start it was suppose to be a satire on MHK and everything about it and I was hoping our main character (Kelly) could experience everything this year's contestants was undergoing and of course being a VOH fan I wanted to include elements of VOH in it. Hahaha.

Several readers were perplexed with the ending and felt it was illogical. Thus in this next portion of the special is a detailed overview of the entire storyline and all of the adventures that Kelly undergoes!

The Story
Kelly Lam Lo Yuk fell in love with Kam Yuet at first sight when she entered Ka Yan fashion company. Unknowing of Sek Mei's affection for him, she decides to pursue him and succeeds in becoming 'sisters' with Ah Mei and girlfriend of Ah Yuet. Kelly was very happy with Ah Yuet but she was very controlling of him and one day he was fed up with her actions and broke up with her. Kelly was furious and decided to ignore him. After the break-up, Ah Yuet was very down because although Kelly was very controlling, he missed her company. Ah Mei, seeing her long-time crush so depressed, goes to comfort him and one night while they are both drunk she confesses her love for him, thinking he's asleep. However, Ah Yuet is fully aware of Ah Mei's confession and begins to realize how much she loves him. Thus, he starts a relationship with her. When Kelly finds out, she's so mad that she slaps both Ah Yuet and Ah Mei before resigning from Ka Yan and moving to New York City.

Kelly was hoping to remake her life in the US, but after years of trying, she failed and was so desperate for fortune. When she was in Hong Kong she lived a good life, but in New York, she was a nobody and fate was against her in everything she did. It was at this point of desperation that Kelly decided to join Miss Hong Kong. She wanted to flee away from her poverty and achieve some fortune. Luckily for her, she was accepted and although she was no longer Ah Yuet's girlfriend, she had a good relationship with his auntie, Kam Sa Sa and this allowed her to stay with Kam Yat, Yuet's sister, when she went back to Hong Kong.

Kelly returned to Hong Kong full of confidence and wanting to renew her life. However, she's naiive and quickly becomes the laughingstock of the MHK pageant and gets many rumors daily. At this time, TVB was having difficulties with its long-running Virtues of Harmony because the cast was getting too popular and demanded too many breaks to do other projects that it was a hassle to keep the series going. But the ratings and profits made were too much for TVB to end it, even though the series had reached well over 2000 episodes. Ah Yat, who happens to be one of the extras on the show, tells the producer than she has friends who look identical to the current casts. And so, after much planning, TVB replaced all of the old casts ranging from Nancy Sit to Louis Yuen with the real Kam, Seks, Wongs, Lams, etc of Hong Kong. TVB was surprised at how remarkably similar Ah Yat's friends and family were to the old cast. And so the transition was made very quietly and the news wasn't leaked out to the press.

At this point, Kelly was extremely depressed because she felt immense embarassment. After much thought, she decided to end her life to get away from it all. Ironically, that day TVB was filming for VOH at the same building where Kelly decided to jump. The storyline in VOH told of Ah Lo (Kelly Lam Yuk Lo... the VOH character/replacement actress for Bondy Chiu) coming back to Hong Kong and meeting up with Ah Yuet because she was depressed. That night, she got him drugged, drunk, and raped him. The next morning Ah Lo was crying that he had raped her, but she promised not to tell Ah Mei. By fate, she got pregnant and at this point she went to Yuet's mother, Nim Chi, and told her, even though she didn't want to. She was outraged and demanded that Ah Yuet marry Ah Lo as to not bring shame to their family. Ah Mei discovers this news and is too heartbroken to carry on and she can't bare to live with the sight of Ah Yuet marrying Ah Lo, so she decides to commit suicide.

Kelly (Lo Yuk... the MHK contestant) is mistaken for Kelly (Yuk Lo... the VOH character/replacement actress) because the two look remarkably alike. Kelly sees Ah Mei up on the rooftop but doesn't know that she has become an actress and thinks that she is planning on dying as well. Ironically, all of Kelly's dialogues and actions are exactly as how the script for that day's episode was. The episode, though dramatic in story and concept, was a spoof on TVB's Hard Fate sequence. After Kelly "kills" Ah Mei, she decides to jump, but Ah Yuet catches her feet before she falls. However, he's weak in health and almost falls until Ah Nin grabs hold of his feet, but the fall is already too steep so he loses balance. Thus a long chain of people is hanging at the side of the building as each try to prevent the other from falling. The director calls "CUT" and is very satisfied. A big trampoline is at the bottom and Ah Yuet lets go of Kelly. She lands safely and is brought to the hospital because apparantely she had fainted from the rush of the scene. The rest of the jumps off one by one and everyone is safe and happy.

At the hospital, Kelly (Lo Yuk... MHK) realizes she is mistaken from Kelly (Yuk Lo... VOH) and so she decides to play along with it. When she reads the newspaper, she realizes that the real Kelly (Yuk Lo... VOH had been hit by a cream van and was mistake for her (Lo Yuk... MHK). It turns out that that day Ah Lo (Kelly... VOH) was so nervous and in a rush to get to the filming that she was hit by the van! Thus the two were fatefully switched lives. Kelly (MHK) lies and says she doesn't remember anything to avoid going back to her life of rags and begins to live in the life of Ah Lo (Kelly... VOH)......

The Character
Kelly pretty much is like the characterization of Bondy Chiu's Lam Yuk Lo in VOH. I tried to make her the worst MHK contestant ever and point out her selfish reasons for joining the pageant. The reason why she's named Lam Lo Yuk is because Em had pointed out to me that "lo yuk" sounds like "revealing flesh" hence I thought that was unique and decided to go along with it. That's why several readers pondered why she's not Lam Yuk Lo but is Lam Lo Yuk!

The Change
Entries #1-6 was very funny and related 100% to MHK. But starting with Entry #7, the story turned a 360° and started to become a different story and MHK had less and less to do with it. Why? At first I was very driven to writing MHK Diary and had lots of ideas. But I kept pushing it aside because there's just too many MHK news each day that I couldn't keep up. Plus I got lazy and had other agendas. Hence I decided to end the story and turn it into something else. Because I wasn't pleased that the Cutie Mui/Michael Tse/Bondy Chiu love triangle was not carried out in VOH II I decided that I would continue it in this story. And thus I did.

The Logic
Several people find the "twist" of the ending too outrageous and stretching it too much. Why didn't the press notice the two looked so similar? In the story, there are actually 3 people who look alike: Bondy Chiu, Lam Yuk Lo, and of course our main character Kelly. I was going to put that our main character looked like Bondy at the beginning, but I decided not to. I'll admit that it's not very logical that the press didn't realize who Kelly looked like, but hey, it's a spoof on TVB and we all know their series lack logic most of the time hahahaha. So just go along with the story and enjoy the "twist." Testing the "twist" with entries #1-6, it's logical. Kelly was so depressed after being teased and ridiculed so much that she wanted to die and entries #1-6 did include the Ah Mei/Ah Yuet storyline. Hence it's logical in that aspect.

The Quality
From my point of view, Diary was pretty satisfactory. But it failed to achieve what it was set out to do, which was to have a character follow the MHK dream and adventure. However, I'm happy with the way the storyline developed and ended. My favorite entry is #6 because it's so funny and I had a lot of fun writing that one. My least favorite is #7 because it's very boring and draggy. I personally liked the bonus transcript and #8 because I find the storyline and writing in those chapters good. They're funny, but in a dark way and the drama aspect is pretty good.

The Interaction
I would really appreciate it if all the readers could post a comment on their overall thoughts of Diary (rating, fave/worst entries, thoughts, etc) or email all thoughts at MetalAZNWarrior@hotmail.com! I would really be happy to hear what everyone thinks.

The Comedy
Most of the humor is spoofs/teases at other series, news, people, etc. If you're not very up-to-date on TVB/series or follow Em's news then you might miss most of the jokes.

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this "Production Special"! Again, Diary is my first and last series for teeveebee, hahaha, so I hope you guys enjoyed my writing! I'm apologize that the series didn't go as I had planned, but I still think it's good. So hopefully you guys liked reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Again, any thoughts/comments are welcomed!