Sunday, December 21, 2003

The Twelve Days of teeveebee Christmas!

On the twelfth day of Christmas teeveebee gave to me:
Twelve Favourite Characters
Eleven Hearts of Fencing
Ten Aqua Heroes
Nine Golden Awards
Eight Wesley Files
Seven Dashing Pilots
Six Skating Lawyers
Five Miss Hong Kongs
Armed Reaction Four
Three Better Halves
... and some re-written history!

Merry Christmas from the teeveebee nuthouse!

Monday, December 15, 2003

Crocodile Rejects teeveebee Contract

"The Beautiful Girls Wouldn't Kiss Me!" snaps Reptilian Star

The superstar from the Mainland who has drawn crowds to Yuen Long in recent weeks has been approached by teeveebee executives wishing to film a fifty episode drama detailing the story of the amazing escape from the Mainland and the encounters met as a stranger in a new world. A source has revealed that the writers had dramatised the story to include how the crocodile in hostile waters managed to outwit the foreigners using guile and strategy gained from Sun Tze's Art of War and then celebrated his successes with a night on the town in Lan Kwai Fong in a cunning disguise.

However, the deal fell through because the crocodile, also known as Ngoc Yu was not happy with his co-star and love interest in the show, martial artist and serial charity show fanatic Master Ng Kong. Said Mr Ngoc: "I didn't mind him kissing me, because the way my eyes are positioned I couldn't really see him, but after a few romantic meals of coal washed down with glasses of pure sunflower oil I began to feel a bit ill. Give me a tonne of fish or a dolphin any day. I am quite partial to a touch of wasabi as well. Maybe I could make an appearance on the Super Trio Show instead."

A teeveebee executive gave a short statement, indicating that unfortunately they were unable to provide Mr Ngoc with a more palatable co-star because when the offer was made, the female stars were all suddenly very eager to fill up their schedules. Even Dayo Wong and Bobby Au-Yeung had the girls flocking towards their shows for some strange reason.

Master Ng was distraught at the cancellation of the series, as he had grown quite fond of the ten foot beast and as he kissed it good-bye, he tried to come to terms with having his hopes of getting back on TV dashed. teeveebee bosses have suggested that maybe he can co-star with a lady python that they are currently trying to sign for another show next year entitled "A Date with Dinner". Meanwhile, Ngoc Yu has retired to his villa in the Mainland where he is currently discussing a China production of "Crocodile Dalian" and a guest appearance on this year's Miss Chinese International Pageant.