WWF - The Wonderful World of Fanatics

Seeing the viewership potential in the latest onslaught of fighting, name-calling and slander among fans, teeveebee has been busy at its drawing boards coming up with an avenue where fans can finally take it out on each other whilst the station reaps in the profits from sponsors and advertisers.

Said one teeveebee Executive, "This is another reality show we're venturing into. Since the concept has caught on so well in the West, we decided to give it a go here too. Similar to the Survivor series, the last person left standing wins."

Asked what is it that the winner will win, the teeveebee Executive replied, "The prize is invaluable. The winner gets self-satisfaction as well as the right to grin at another smugly, and we guarantee an increased vocabulary of words not usually used in normal circumstances too."

A wrestling ring has been set up in the middle of the empty teeveebee Jeung Gwan OhOh Station multi-storey car park. At all four corners of the ring sit teenage youths waving flags, posters and photographs of their respective idols.

Very soon, the ringmaster climbs inside. He waves to the crowd and nods for their silence.

"Ahem! Welcome to the first ever WWF! A wrestling ring dedicated to all fanatics. Here, claws will fly! Mud will be slung! There are no holds barred! And the last one left standing wins!"

The crowd roars in delight. Whistles and cheers pierce the air.

"In the red corner, we have the Ah Hsuan fan club; in the blue corner, it's the Ah Sheh fan club; in the green corner, the Hor Yee fan club; and in the white corner, the Hoi Ying fan club!"

Cheers and jeers resonate throughout the audience.

Typically, the first group out on the centre of the ring are the Ah Hsuan fan club. Marking their territory, they growl at anyone who dares come near. The Ah Sheh fan club slowly tries to creep their way through though. The Hor Yee fan club, on the other hand, retreat into their own world with the knowledge that their idol is the best and that they don't need to go shout it or fight it out with anyone. The Hoi Ying fan club just yawn and stare at their fingernails and wonder if they should get a manicure.

"Ah Hsuan is the best! Anybody who doesn't agree is stupid!" shout the Ah Hsuan fan club.

"Move aside Ah Hsuan. You're not an ex-beauty queen! teeveebee loves Ah Sheh more than you. Ah Sheh is taking over this very moment!" scream the Ah Sheh fan club.

The Hor Yee fan club tries to stifle their yawns as the Hoi Ying fan club puts a kettle to the boil. "Care for some tea?" they ask the Hor Yee fan club.

Meanwhile, the Ah Hsuan fan club and the Ah Sheh fan club are hurling at each other an array of words too colourful to print here. And to the delight of teeveebee Executives who envision ratings going through the roof, the audience starts to join in the fray as well.

"You're so rude! How could you say that??!" one wails.

"What business is it of yours?" another retorts.

"I'm just saying it because you said it first!" shouts the one next to the wailing one.

The enthusiasm of the audience refreshes the spirits of the Ah Hsuan fan club and the Ah Sheh fan club who proceed to attack each other with even more vigour.

Again, in the interest of audience sanity, such graphic and audio scenes have been
omitted.

The dust finally settles...

...and it is not a pretty sight.

Like their idols, the Ah Hsuan fan club and the Ah Sheh fan club have mysteriously been afflicted by a disease called TFS, also known as Terrible Fashion Sense.

In the blink of an eye, the Fashion Police appear on the set and haul off the offending Ah Hsuan fans and Ah Sheh fans; thus leaving the Hor Yee fan club and the Hoi Ying fan club who are still enjoying their tea with strawberries, scones and cream.

Suddenly the Hor Yee fans scream and jump up from their seats holding on to their stomachs. "Toilet, toilet, need the toilet!" they chant almost in unison as they climb out of the ring and run towards the lavatories which are on the 22nd floor of the building next door.

One teeveebee Executive grins to himself as he hides the packet of laxative in his pocket.

"And it looks like we have a winner!" the ringmaster cries.

The Hoi Ying fan club smiles and wave to the audience, who, seeing that there wasn't anyone else to cheer for, start to automatically cheer for them.

When interviewed, this is what the Hoi Ying fan club had to say about their unexpected win, "Our idol is teeveebee's darling and Hong Kong's ratings queen, after all. Everybody loves-Aiyyeeeee..."

The stage collapses with all of them still on it!

Up in the control room, another teeveebee Executive chuckles in delight at having had the honour to flick the 'Collapsing Stage' switch.

"Ermm..." the ringmaster picks himself up from the rubble and dusts himself off before smiling perfectly into the camera as if nothing ever happened. "It looks like I was mistaken, ladies and gentlemen. The real winners are the evil teeveebee Executives!"

And with that the audience once again cheers and applauds in loud approval, for if they didn't, the evil teeveebee Executives won't give them their doorgifts of shampoo, ice-cream vouchers and other cheap items.